Panache is a small store front restaurant in Washington DC. Bright red walls adorned with Mediterranean
artwork and knickknacks create a visually stimulating environment. The food however leaves ones taste buds feeling
neglected and abused. The lack of flavor,
inspiration and freshness ran amuck on this menu. Disappointment lay in wait at almost every
turn during this dining experience. Dish
after disappointing dish was left uneaten and returned to the kitchen. Much to our dismay and chagrin we have come
to the knowledge that this is a chain restaurant with another location in McClean,
Virginia. Let us bow our heads and pray
the food is better in VA. If you are
brave enough to go and eat at this restaurant there is valet parking at the
garage next door for $17. We would not recommend that anyone eat here, however
if you want to eat lackluster food this would be a spot for a date (assuming you
never want to see that person ever again) or girls night out (with girlfriends
you have tired of)…Lol. Overall, we give Panache ♪.
1725 Desales Street Northwest
Washington, DC 20036
(202) 293-7760
Tuna Tartare
The texture of the tuna was nice but
it was blanketed by a heavy, unsavory and spicy mayo which completely obscured
the flavor of the fish, which is an interesting feat considering this mayo
concoction had no flavor of its own.
Beef Carpaccio
Because beef carpaccio is served raw it is CRITICAL that the
beef is fresh. This wet, mushy, milly
mess tasted defrosted and frost bitten.
It was placed in some sort of milky sauce and topped with an unbelievably
random mixture of celery, cheese and caper.
Really people…what the heck would you do that for???
Grilled Vegetables
Imagine eggplant, zucchini and yellow squash grilled to
perfection, no sauce, no spice…yup that sums it all up.
Prosciutto Wrapped Dates
Surprise! We were grateful
to have a halfway decent dish arrive at the table to break up the monotony of
the food freak show we were experiencing.
The dates were sweet and soft, and the prosciutto was salty and
savory. They were cooked a bit too hard
but this was a step up from the insanity.
Seared Diver Scallops
Allow us to make a correction here…The scallops were nowhere
near seared but rather poached; poached and devoid of all flavor and nuances
that would be present in fresh scallops.
Then the chef had the nerve to place these bland sea critters atop a big
tasteless puff pastry that further detracted from the flavor. Interestingly it was prepared with an Anise
cream that had the potential to be great but never fulfilled its promise.
Potato Wrapped Rockfish
The fish was clearly farmed raised. Anytime you taste a fertilizer type flavor in
your fish you can be assured that it is farm raised. The rockfish lacked it usual full-bodied,
oceany flavor. The hard potatoes it was
wrapped in just healed to dull the fish.
This dish was a good idea, just executed very poorly. The wilted spinach served with this dish was
pretty good. It had a nice smoky flavor
and was completely wasted on this dish.
Basil Encrusted Double Lamb Chops
AKA…Lamb chops ala Astro Turf. For goodness sake, the chef used dehydrated
basil (which he rehydrated) on top of the lamb.
When this dish came out, Angela commented that it looked like it was
covered with Astro turf. And the taste
matched this observation. To top it all
off the mashed potatoes were clearly straight from a box.
Mussels
The mussels were fresh and were served with a tomato based
sauce that lacked flavor and creativity.
While eating the mussels we did run into some grittiness.
Crème Brulee
Ohhh dear….What can be said for a crème brulee that tastes like
dish water? The caramelized sugar is
what tasted like dish water. How in the
world can you make sugar taste like dish water? The custard was very eggy and had a lumpy
texture. This dish was a hot mess!
Chocolate & Hazelnut Gelato
Amazingly the chocolate gelato was amazing. It was rich and delicious, while the hazelnut
gelato was gritty and horrible. We were
so disappointed.
According to the dictionary Panache means flamboyant
confidence, style and manner. Well, the
owners of this restaurant lied! We
searched high and low looking for some edible Panache. We ate a significant portion of the menu
trying to experience some Panache and were left wanting. The only Panache we found was on the steady
stream of strange and unusual characters coming in and out of the
restaurant. I can’t tell you how many
times we choked on our food as oddly and flamboyantly dressed folks passed us
by. We saw everything from gold glitter
micro-mini (butt cheeks showing) shorts on girls to nut-cracker tight pants with
embroidered sail boats on men. I felt like I was at the circus. The food was well…sad, just sad and miserable. You all know how I feel about food that is
not fresh. If you are not going to serve
fresh food then please close your restaurant.
There is absolutely no purpose for your restaurant to be in existence if
your food is not fresh. It is a complete
waste of everyone’s time. Dish after
dish served was made with previously frozen or boxed food stuffs. Yes, I said food stuffs because I’m still
wondering if some of it was even real food.
It was just food stuffs, food by-products, food wannabes. I have never had so much food served to me
and left so much food uneaten. On one of
the dishes I was actually concerned for my health. I refused to eat more than two bites. The first bite was because I expected
something great, the second bite was because I could not believe how horrible
the first bite was and had to check again to make sure it was as bad as I
remembered. I love raw meat dishes, but
this was not the place to quench that particular craving. The one thing that chef got right was
grilled veggies. He did a good job
cutting them and placing them on the grill….let’s just ignore the fact that
cutting and placing veggies on a grill is not hard. We will just smile and nod and give the chef
this one. Unfortunately, that is the
only bone I can throw his way. The décor
was nice, lots of red that seemed to energize the space. But even the energy bouncing off those bright
red walls did not ignite a spark or act as a much needed defibrillator on the
heart of the food that was served. The
poor food stuffs simply lay there limp, lethargic and unresponsive. Therefore I have no choice but to give
Panache an equally sad, limp and lethargic ♪.
Ok, so the best thing about Panache was our waiter, from
Honduras and hot, hot, hot. That being said, sadly, I must now talk about the
food. Now, I looked up the word Panache.
Definition: Flamboyant confidence of style or manner. And I must say that when picking a name such
as this one should make absolutely sure the food is fabulous. Why that did not
happen here, I cannot say, only that it didn’t. This was one of those
restaurants we run into periodically where everything on the menu sounds
fabulous and nothing lives up to expectation. Adjectives to describe what we
ate could include soggy, tasteless and stale to name a few. It was really a
shame what was done to most of the food. I do not think I have ever had food
items that had actually had the flavor somehow, inexplicably REMOVED. How is it
that scallops and rockfish have none of the sweetness and taste more like grass
than ocean and beef has none of the hearty richness and has no real discernible
taste at all? Even the crème brulee tasted like dishwater. You heard me
DISHWATER. And our poor waiter made sure to tell us that all desserts were made
in-house. I wouldn’t brag about that. Also, inexplicably, while the chocolate
gelato was divine; all smooth and creamy, the hazelnut gelato; which also had a
good flavor, was gritty. I assume because it was made with hazelnut? I really
have no idea. The best thing I can say about this restaurant, besides praising
our waiter’s hotness, is that due to our having a coupon, we only paid $25
dollars apiece for the meal. <sigh> Unfortunately I have to give this
restaurant♪.
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